St.Bede's Anglo Indian Higher Secondary School,Chennai.India.

You are your best friend

One of the popular stories making its rounds as a popular e-mail forward is the story of a 10-year-old boy who decided to study Judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
      "Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" "This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
       "No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.
      He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind. "Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm." The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.”
            “Sometimes we feel that we have certain weaknesses and we blame others, the circumstances and our self for it but we never know that our weakness can become our strength one day. Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, never think of pride or pain, just live your life to its fullest and extract the best out of it!" You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind. (Darwin P. Kingsley)
            Life is all about the choices we make daily. One of the most basic and fundamental choice we make in life is the way we learn to look at ourselves; the way we accept, love and care about ourselves. Our dreams begin to come true when we learn to look into ourselves and discover the power within. A lot is written about self-esteem and self-acceptance and a number of workshops and seminars are organized on this theme. The important thing is to become conscious about this all important truth in one’s own personal life on a daily basis. This truth has to be affirmed and reaffirmed till it becomes our attitude. In the last article we had written about the creative web of life. Life is a tapestry, a mosaic of various realities, a creative web. We could speak of a minimum of six worlds that meet in our personal world – six dreams or six areas, namely, God, Self, family and friends, career or a dream mission, nature and the social world.
            The first of these intersecting worlds is ‘self’, the reality of who I am and how I look at myself and relate with myself. An Italian friend had come down to stay with us and one evening she was amused and disturbed by the attitude of some of the girls in the locality. They would touch her skin with great reverence and describe the wonders of being fair. She would retort, “Hey, come on, I feel so jealous about your features. You look so beautiful.” They needed an Italian girl to affirm the fact that being fair is not everything in life and being beautiful is not just being fair. There is so much of beauty in the not-so-fair people. One of the biggest industries in India is connected to making people a little fairer (sometimes ignorant of the fact that these creams could harm one’s skin). But the attitude created by the media and the peer group is that you have to be fair to succeed in life. This is a clear case of people who refuse to accept themselves as they are.

It is said that “Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have.” The book of Genesis proclaims that we are created in the image and likeness of God. This is the guiding principle for self-acceptance. God does not create junk. Each one of us is created in God’s image. Christianity affirms that we are God’s children. The truth that we are sons and daughters of God can change the way we look at the reality of ourselves, others and the world. There is so much of goodness and beauty hidden deep inside each one of us. The starting point for a life of happiness and fulfillment is the discovery of this personal goodness and greatness.
The movie “A Little Princess”, directed by Alfonso Cuaron, is the magical story about exuberant little Sara Crewe. She shares a life of wonder in exotic India with her devoted father. But war draws Sara’s father into the military and she is sent to a New York boarding school run by the strict Miss Minchin. She is treated royally as long as money was being sent by her father. But the false news of her father’s death transforms the strict Miss Minchin into a tyrant and little Sara is sent to live in the attic, surrounded by rats and filth and made to work like a servant. The little Princess is seen as a troublemaker. But with courage, imagination and kindness Sara overcomes all her hardships. Her courage blossoms from the affirmations of her father. As the film opens Sara tells her father, “Maya told me that all girls are princesses.” And the father replies, “Mara is a very wise woman.” Sara persists, “Is it true?” The father reiterates, “You can be anything you want to be, my love, as long as you believe. I believe that you are and always will be my little princess.” At a later part of the film, when little Sara is tormented by Miss Minchin and made to understand that she should stop looking at herself as a princess and put a stop to all her fantasy games and wild imagination, little Sara looks at Miss Minchin in her eyes and affirms, “I am a princess. All girls are… even if they live in tiny old attics, even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty or smart. They are still princesses.” And she asks Miss Minchin, “Didn’t your father ever tell you that!” This intense belief helped her to overcome all her problems. She was an empowered little girl.
A young man once came to me for spiritual guidance. Spiritual guidance led to other areas of his professional life. His basic problem was nervousness before any interview. His non-verbal language told me that he was having a problem with self-acceptance. After a few meetings and the simple exercise of acceptance of his own family history and the recognition of his own goodness made him slowly tide over this problem. Problems related to self-esteem are not always easily solved. Some cases would need therapy. But often through a simple exercise of positive self-talk a young person can come to terms with his own self. With a little help from a guide, one’s family and friends they could be on the highway to fame and success. This young person was helped to discover his goodness and his talents. He had to work on this language skills and his non-verbal communication. He had to be convinced about the need to stop blaming others (parents, teachers, peer group and society at large) if he wanted to taste success and happiness. “You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” (Jim Rohn, Business philosopher). We can all learn to look at ourselves with a lot of love and admiration.

To be continued.
Fr. Joe Andrew sdb