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SILENCE - THE INNER EXPLORATION
These are two parables or short stories we use in our Self-acceptance workshops: The first is about a small black boy at a country fair. A man was blowing up helium-filled balloons and letting them rise up into the sky to the delight of a crowd of fair looking children. The balloons were in all colours. The little black boy kept looking at those balloons and he asked hesitatingly: “Do you suppose that the black one will go as high as those others?” The man had a good deal of kindly understanding, “Watch,” he said, “and I’ll show you.” Then he blew up the black balloon and let it go and it soared just as high as the others. “You see,” said the man, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “it isn’t the colour that determined how high they go; it’s the stuff inside that sends them up.”
The second is the parable of the musk deer. Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent musk deer. He was intrigued by the sweet scent he always perceived. As time went on that sweet fragrance haunted and puzzled him. He said to himself: “Happen what may, I have to find out where this scent comes from. I need to know its source.” And so, in search, of the source of that fragrance, undauntedly our deer went over mountain and dale through water and dry land till he reached the confines of the world.
But, all in vain! Wherever he went he perceived the enchanting scent. But, the source he could not find! He never gave up his search. One day he climbed the highest cliff of the mountain range. He searched there; the fragrance he sensed, but its source he never found. In sheer desperation, he leapt down the cliff. There, at the bottom of the precipice, with his limbs torn apart and his musk glands poured out, lay our deer. Slowly the whole valley filled with the sweet fragrance and scent. Unfortunately, it was too late for the deer to discover where the source of the fragrance lay.
Our life is made up of choices we make at every moment of our life. One of the choices we can make is to live an ordinary life or an extraordinary life. All extraordinary lives begin with an inner journey. All of us have been filled with God’s love – the stuff inside, the sweet fragrance we just spoke about. There is so much of love and happiness inside each one of us. Often it is locked up and not used. God has poured that love and the energy we call life into our hearts in order to fill the world with His love and His goodness. But due to some situations in our life, maybe people, often this love, this energy, goodness or greatness is blocked and kept inside. We search for happiness everywhere, except in the right place, deep within ourselves.
Tony D’Mello and others have used the parable of the man who was searching for his key outside his home, under the street light. Strangers and passersby began to help in the search. After thirty minutes of fruitless searching, the neighbours asked him, “Are you sure you lost your key here?” “Oh no,” he replied, “I lost it inside the house.” “But why are you searching for the key here?” the puzzled neighbours asked him. He said, “My home is dark and there is more light here.”
The starting point for our quest for happiness and peace is our inner journey, the journey within. We are ready for a number of journeys but the most important journey often frightens us or we just ignore it. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes). This inner journey needs what we call solitude or silence. There is a misconception that silence or solitude is meant for priests, sadhus and monks. Not all men are called to be hermits, but all men and women need enough silence and solitude in their lives to enable the deep inner voice of their own true self to be heard at least occasionally, the voice of truth and the voice of God. Silence is important in a special way for young people and silence can also be enjoyed by the poor and the marginalized. Silence need not be enjoyed only by a privileged few.
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We can define solitude as that that inner space we create for ourselves, where we can be totally ourselves and enjoy the experience. It is the creation of an inner sensitivity, where we can listen to our own inner voices. It is the space in which we discover our sacredness and which enables us to discover the sacredness of the others. Solitude is a time for intimacy with one’s self. It is the foundation for a true spirituality because it is an essential condition for at-homeness with oneself and intimacy with God and others. Henri Nouwen writes: “It is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless sense to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play.” One of the hallmarks of authentic spiritual and psychological growth is an increase in one’s ability to accept and lovingly embrace all of who one is. We need silence if this were to happen. “Do not run, but be quiet and silent. Listen attentively to your own struggle. The answer to your question is hidden in your own heart.” Thomas Merton wrote: “It is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The more solitary I am, the more affection I have for them. It is pure affection, and filled with reverence for the solitude of others.”
We are not talking of negative silence. A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up." This is negative silence, a running away from people and situations or loneliness, which is a negative reality. At times we are forced to keep silence or in other words we do not choose silence. The silence which most of us have experienced or know of is an exterior absence of words or a stillness from noise. During such an experience we may not use words audibly and externally but the mind is unquiet, filled with words and noise, ideas, questions, desires, doubts, and conflicts. All this clouds and confuses the mind; silence is only on the surface. We are talking of positive silence, a search for solitude, inner serenity and quietness.
“Find a minute to see things in a different way.” This minute will change your whole day (Spencer Johnson – author of “Who moved my cheese”). He speaks of a fundamental principle: Carve out a tiny portion of your time to stop, to listen to the deepest part of yourself. This little investment of time helps toward a great result: peace and greater balance. Listening, in fact, is synonymous with thinking, reflecting, becoming aware of the questions that regard self, others and reality. We need to pause before lived events, evaluate the information that reaches us from contrasting sources, this means listening with a change of mind, and in a way beyond the event.
Mahatma Gandhi regularly observed one day of the week as a day of mauna viradha, "fasting by silence," Gandhi described it as one which filled him with the vitality and strength necessary for him to generate Truth to others. It was not so much a day of prayer as one of personal reconciliation with his inner conflicts. When these conflicts are resolved, prayer blossoms as its joyous result. Such prayer gives peace and solace, comfort and consolation.
In solitude, in deep silence we pray. It refreshes our awareness of God and of ourselves. In solitude we can savour this goodness and give ourselves space to really listen. But it is not always comfortable. It is often painful. We need to make an effort and it calls for a certain amount of knowledge and training. We read in the Gospels that Jesus often left the crowds and his apostles and dear ones and went to a lonely place to pray (Lk 6: 12 – 13; Lk 5: 42; Mt. 14: 22 – 23; Mk. 1: 35 – 37; Mt. 6 – 6). When Jesus was hurt or troubled or when had to make important decisions, he went to a lonely place to get in touch with His Father. He would spend the whole night in silence and prayer. Today we are living in a world or culture of noise and speed and Jesus says “Come away to a lonely place and rest awhile.” Deep inner silence leads to rest, reflection and re-creation. Jesus used to say “The Kingdom of God is within us.” We have to discover this Kingdom within, this treasure within. If you have heaven in your heart you will see heaven everywhere.
Today's world is a world of the outer. It has sought and bought the outer at the cost and expense of the inner. Hence the need to return to the source and the center of ourselves in silence and solitude to discover the treasure of the Truth buried within. As a priceless statement attributed to Buddha has it, "As long as I had no knowledge of the treasures within me, all outside things seemed valuable. Now since I have found the diamond within, all earthly diamonds have paled into insignificance. Never neglect your ten minute appointment with God and self. The time you spend in silence can slowly increase, bringing you peace.
Fr. Joe Andrew sdb
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