Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger was our storyteller. He could weave the most fascinating tales. Adventures, mysteries and comedies were daily conversations. He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening. He was like a friend to the whole family. He took Dad, Bill and me to our first major league baseball game. He was always encouraging us to see the movies and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars. The stranger was an incessant talker. Dad didn't seem to mind, but sometimes Mom would quietly get up - while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places - and go to her room read her Bible and pray. I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave. You see, my dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions. But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our house - not from us, from our friends, or adults. Our longtime visitor, however, used occasional four-letter words that burned my ears and made Dad squirm. To my knowledge the stranger was never confronted. My dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in his home - not even for cooking. But the stranger felt he needed exposure and enlightened us to other ways of life. He offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages often. He made cigarettes look tasty, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (too much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I know now that my early concepts of the man/woman relationship were influenced by the stranger. As I look back, I believe it was the grace of God that the stranger did not influence us more. Time after time he opposed the values of my parents. Yet he was seldom rebuked and never asked to leave. More than thirty years have passed since the stranger moved in with the young family on Morningside Drive. But if I were to walk into my parents' den today, you would still see him sitting over in a corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name? We always called him TV.

Television in the family
Television has come to stay. The story we just read reiterates the fact that the television is an inescapable part of family life and children's lives in particular. There are those who maintain that television is not reformable. It is often called the "idiot box". According to some this medium has to be eliminated forever. Some families who strongly advocate this theory will choose to live without television. We shall take a more moderate stance. The question is: who is in control? If the family and children, in particular, have learnt to control the TV, it can become a valuable tool. We have to control television. TV should not control us. We have to use television and TV should not use us.

The first point to consider is whether the television controls conversation and relationship in our family. Do the family members view TV during meals? The family meal is a good time to exchange ideas and share information about the happenings of the day. The TV should not be allowed to displace the family's social and religious celebrations and rituals. The parents have to see that the TV does not lessen or intrude upon the conversations in the family. It is quite embarrassing to visit some families on a Sunday evening. The guest is also made to sit and watch the family's favourite TV programme. Another harmful habit could be the use of TV as baby-sitter, when parents do not have time for their children. "Quality time" is the best gift we can give to our children. Today we can also see advertisements for the second TV in the family. Some of these ads apparently seem to have a lot of concern for the family's welfare. They will tell you: "If everyday there is a fight in your family regarding which programme to watch or who controls the remote - go in for another TV set." It sounds very practical but it will not solve problems. It will only divide the family and lead to individualism. This could be true also for Internet users in families.

TV viewing should not also displace the children's interaction with other children in the neighbourhood, by way of games and other activities. Some children switch on the TV as soon as they come home from school. They eat in front of the TV. There is little discussion with the parents about what took place in school. It is sad to see parents (esp. fathers) who return from work, tired, yes, quietly change and sit in front of the television. This could create a whole family of couch potatoes. Often children and youngsters learn patterns of television viewing from their parents and elders. If parents and other elders adopt responsible attitudes towards their own viewing habits, they can act as role models to their children. But if a parent himself or herself spends long hours in front of the television, him or her cannot but negatively influence the child. Parents should also in some way try to discourage children from viewing television alone for long hours and also set bedtime limits and restrict the viewing of adult or other offensive shows. They should also encourage children to watch good educational programmes and watch such programmes with them.

Watching television with children can be very effective in influencing what they view and how they view TV. Parents should discuss with children about what they see. By encouraging discussions about televised material, parents can help their children to clarify and interpret character behaviour, types of programmes, biased information, stereotyping (gender, religion etc.); help them distinguish between fantasy and reality or how close to truth the programme or statements are. They can explain the meaning of television advertisements, deconstruct media violence, and help them observe hidden negative values or messages. In short, media education begins at home. Co-viewing television with children could turn out to be a great fun-filled-activity too! We do not have to worry too much about the impact of TV on our children when there is harmony and good interpersonal relationship in the family. The family is the source of powerful messages about the meaning of life, faith, hope and love. There will be problems when the TV becomes the only source of stories, the only storyteller. The television constantly narrates stories of infidelity, revenge, consumerism, violence, and unbridled passion, shallow and momentary happiness. If we are not careful these stories will seem to be more real than our own personal stories.

The family, religion and school and other welfare organizations promote a number of role models: great saints, political leaders, freedom fighters, social workers and others. The TV and other media aggressively project other role models: film stars, pop singers, sports stars, glamorous models, DJs and successful business people and media people. If the Church, family and school do not dialogue convincingly with children, reason out with them, these role models will be more down-to-earth and they will try to imitate them. By offering guidance to children about what to watch, how much to watch, and when to watch television programmes, parents can make their children critical consumers of media messages and products and hence also more resistant to any potential harmful effects. Families should also help children develop reading habits and encourage them to get interested in art forms like painting, music, dance or drama. This will enhance the child's creativity. We can conclude with the words of Pierre Babin: "It is the family's task to balance the television images, those venerable icons of our culture, with a strong and vibrant family life. The hypnotic power that television possesses is in inverse proportion to the loving contact provided by the family circle. It is for the family to choose what role television will play in family relationships and how it will respond to that medium."

           Fr. Joe Andrew sdb